All posts by Gretchen

Anything but silence

Do you try to fill silence with noise? Or, like me, do you find yourself using silence to shut out the noise? How we feel about silence says a lot about us.

As an introvert, my body and mind long for silence after a threshold of stimulus and noise. Silence helps to recharge my battery, refresh my thoughts. My son, on the other hand, seems to think best immersed in aural stimuli.

My mother, I believe, was uncomfortable with too much silence. One of my vivid memories from childhood has my family in the car, with Dad driving and Mom in the passenger seat. We were on our way to the airport, I think, and Mom was sewing something by hand–while she talked. And talked. I wasn’t yet at the age to say something smart-alecky to her about her incessant chatter. But someone else in the car did. Dad? An older sister? It was the reprimand meted out to silence her that seared into my memory the depth of her need to fill the space of our car with the sound of her voice.

How cruelly ironic, then, that in her final days on earth–barely into her early 50s, and me a teen–she lay dying of cancer, alone in her bedroom, in silence, her throat ravaged by chemotherapy, her body wracked by pain.

What I wouldn’t give to hear her voice fill a room, today.

Take it On Trust

Every time we sail through a green light  . . . we take it on trust that the driver at the corresponding red light won’t cruise right through.

Every time we complete an online application and click SUBMIT  . .  . we take it on trust that our submission will reach the destination we’ve intended.

And every time we scan our checking account balance online . . . we take in on trust that “the computer” is calculating correctly.

Each of these instances that now seem like second nature didn’t always seem so. It took multiple leaps of faith before we–or those before us–took it on faith that our actions would work as intended.

The amazing thing is how often they do.

Dead End–or No Outlet?

In the neighborhood where I live, there are several delightful, century-old streets that lead, well, nowhere.  Some lanes, adorned with grand homes, are prefaced with an emphatic, “Dead End.” Others, seemingly reflecting their genteel occupants, declare more diplomatically that there is “No Outlet.” Can we agree that both signs mean the same thing?  Namely, that there is no through  exit from the street.

Indeed, we often use different words to say the same thing, don’t we?  The choice of which words we use says more about us than we might imagine. And that choice of words often carries more weight than the mere words themselves.

 

 

Boots on a page

I came across these boots on the street where I live. A gardener’s boots taken off momentarily, only to be forgotten, then remembered –after it was too late? A pair that had out worn their usefulness, only to be cast aside like the nearby discarded lime halves?

Abandoned Boots
Boots and Lime Halves

What stories rest mute inside these weathered strips of leather? What pain, what joy, truthfulness, and deceit had brought these boots to this moment, this end? Like a writer’s words on a page, these boots carried with them a lifetime of their owner’s experiences, occurrences that had informed every step their owner took–every word the writer wrote.

Which of your life experiences will be revealed–or concealed– in the steps you take today, the words you commit to the page?

Three times three can equal love

Three love stories.  Three very different kinds of love.  Each leaving an irreplaceable mark on this viewer.

I thoroughly enjoyed recently the complex relationship between the incomparable, and gone-far-too-soon Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix in The Master. Traces of the story of Scientology’s founder, L. Ron Hubbard, were certainly evident; those references, though, weren’t the narrative, and they never overshadowed the focal point: the mystery of how and why we form relationships with the people we do.

The equally complex relationship between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in the deceptively simple though highly-charged love story, Fifty Shades of Grey, and the nuances that drive us into and out of another’s arms, continue to unfold long after the final credits roll.

Rounding out this engaging threesome, the endearing, quirky Israeli film, The Farewell Party, explores the indelible bonds that are created between two people who spend a lifetime together. Touching eloquently on the subject of dying with dignity, the film gently illustrates that no matter how close we are to another human, in the end, our most important love relationships are with ourselves, and with our Higher Power, however we might define that creator of all things.

Quotes Live Forever

Today’s New York Post reported that a new postal forever stamp, dedicated to Maya Angelou, carries a quote that is not actually hers.

The article caught  my eye because I have gained so much strength from Ms. Angelou’s writing.  In fact, most mornings I include one of her inspirational quotes in my Twitter feed.

Her quotes inspire me every bit as much as I hope they inspire others.

The author to whom the quote actually belongs, Joan Walsh Anglund, told the Washington Post that the quote originated with her in a 1967 children’s book of poems, entitled “A Cup of Sun.”

Judging by the news reports, the 89-year-old Ms. Anglund harbors no resentment toward either Ms. Angelou or the creators of the stamp.

Referring to Maya Angelou, Ms. Anglund said, “I love her and all she’s done, and I also love my own private thinking . . .”

On the one hand, then, it’s a compliment to have a thought so profound that others consciously or unconsciously claim it over time as their own.

On the other, a pattern of words, a choreography of phrases in a poem, are a poet’s legacy, and it is important that Ms. Anglund be given the credit that is rightly hers.

In this instance, the quote should forever be attributed to the one who originally made music out of a magical arrangement of words.

 

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

A Most Eloquent Take on Grief

Life changes fast.

Life changes in the instant.  

Photo of The Year of Magical Thinking
The Year of Magical Thinking

You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.

The question of self-pity.”

These were the first words Joan Didion wrote after it happened,  as she tells us in the first line after these words in her amazing book,  The Year of Magical Thinking.

The “it” in the follow-up words to the first words refers to her husband, John Dunne’s, death.

That these words appear at the very start of this remarkable homage to grief is important, as they are repeated in various renditions throughout the book.

Joan Didion’s husband, with whom she had shared most moments of most of her adult life, had died of a massive heart attack, just as they had sat down to dinner, and hence, the reference to life changing in an instant.

Owning My Own Grief

My own mother’s death, though extraordinarily premature, did not happen in an instant.  We had not just sat down to dinner when life as I knew it ended.

In fact, my mother was sick for much of my teenage years, and lost her valiant fight against breast cancer a mere two weeks after I turned 18.

Joan Didion struggled to come to terms with getting through the remainder of her years without the man with whom she had spent most of her life.

I, on the other hand, have spent most of my life without my mother–sometimes coming to terms with that fact better than at other times.

Joan Didion’s Way With Words

Joan Didion is the author of five novels, and one of America’s most celebrated authors.   She is so skilled a writer that she makes it safe for us to look up close and personal at a subject as potentially overwhelming as grief.

It’s almost if we’re all taking this journey through the first year after Joan Didion’s husband died–together.

The Power of Day

Days play a vital role in the story of the year following the death of Joan Didion’s husband.

We learn, for instance, of the importance of the day an editor came to dinner in so far as her husband was alive on that day.  Holidays are merely a few of the other powerful ways in which Ms. Didion used the concept of days to help her make sense of the reality of her life partner leaving her just as they were sitting down to dinner.

With eloquence and grace, defiance and acceptance, Ms. Didion deftly tells us–and surely herself– how she ultimately came to terms with her husband’s death.

Reflecting on Reflections

As another winter has softened into another spring, perhaps you too have found yourself reflecting on your own upcoming spring.

Which areas of your life call for pruning, and which for nurturing and cultivating to engender even stronger growth?

As the days grow brighter here in Houston, I’ve found myself drawn lately to beautiful plays of light and sky and endless windows.

Photo of Houston's dazzling downtown Allen Center and a reflection
Houston’s dazzling downtown Allen Center and a reflection

Houston seems literally to be blooming with exquisite tableaus created by our big blue sky, clouds, and acres of gleaming glass.

Photo of Houston's dazzling Discovery Green and a reflection
Houston’s dazzling Discovery Green and a reflection

Here, I’ve included a few recent photos to give you a feel.  Perhaps they will inspire you to gently dig deeper into your own reflections?

Photo of Houston's Allen Center reflected on my car roof
Houston’s Allen Center reflected on my car roof

 

Photo of Houston's Westin Galleria and a reflection
Houston’s Westin Galleria and a reflection